He fell from the rafters,

Like a noose

Death’s own emissary

His throat swollen shut

Face blue with concealment

Each movement perilous

Until finally he ground himself

Into complete stasis


He wears despair

In smudges of charcoal

In the hollow above

His cheekbones

Insomniac eyes

That dream without

The aid of sleep

This animated corpse

Stands in places

You once stood

He wears your face

Cleverly, like a tipped fedora

But he’s got the eyes of a dying fish

Vacuous and filled with bug-eyed panic

Windows, these grim eyes

Sometimes I see his heart

Collapsing behind them

Like decomposing fruit

His mind is a limestone quarry

I see his residue

In the cracks on the floorboards

Like the painted face of a Geisha

Moon pale and beautiful

Brilliant spirit, crumbling


Barely breathing, this suicide

Assumes a requiem of its own

In the haunting patterns

Of your clarion heartbeat

Steadily I’m hammered down

Into a wafer-thin imitations of myself

Together I keep us both pressed

Between the pages of my notebook

Bloody Rorschach impressions

We’ve become virtually indistiguishable


some of you know my husband is severely Depressed and this is about living with him




Larval Stage

A living embodiment of artistry

Charming and vivid, your beauty

Renders you untouchable

Devious in your labyrinthine

Simplicity, I add texture

To our quiet encounters

Painting you with my own

Patterned expectations


You fall into enigma

Pendulous these formless

Feelings sway heavily

In my heart

Gaining momentum

With your resonance


In my dreams we coil

Around each other

In reality we only mingle

Pulling away before

Embrace, so close

But never close enough


You allude me, painted

Serpentine tongue, your

Halcyon words become venom

And this infection may

Only be in the larval stage

But through you I now decay


You dilute me with watery eyes

A bird against the window pane

I will beat myself to death

To get close to you

You who I now see through

Is there anything inside

Or are you really just a

Flamboyant mistake?


(I realize how far behind I am and I can’t tell my ass from my head at the moment oh how to catch up lol My writing is still shaky though I did feel inspired by this picture I don’t feel I was able to convey the poem in my heart fully)



Day 18 Summer Reading

I’d like to say I have some fabulous books planned but truthfully I haven’t bought books in a long time. Living in Sweden and not yet speaking Swedish limits me to children’s novels and crime/drama novels in English. I do read my share of children’s books having a 3 year old though lol But I don’t really like dimestore novels.

One book I hope to read that I bought when I last went to the states is The Tibetan Book of the Dead (not an easy read despite the fact that I already know a lot of content from studies)

I also have a huge biography on Arthur Rimbaud I’ve not gotten through yet. I love biographies!

Some books and authors I love and occasionally read despite having read them before

Jim Carroll I love both his poems and his autobiographies.

James Baldwin he’s an excellent writer very gritty realistic images of America in the 50s and 60s his novels deal a lot with racism, homo/bisexuality, and love (not in a warm fuzzy way). His characters are very realistic portraits of broken people and he’s brilliant at creating realistic relationships.

Edmund White (autobiographical novels)

Sylvia Plath poetry as well as her journals

The Tao of Abundance the best self-help book I have ever read, its huge but its brilliant and you can pretty much open the book up on any page and feel better about yourself. It’s the source of many of my philosophical beliefs

I’d like to get my hands on some books about Shinto one in particular and I cannot remember the name right now unfortunately

The Tao of Pooh

A Clockwork Orange



My muse is the forge

Paper thin my poetry

Is smelted down to ashes

Sulfurous my discontent

Brittle words consume themselves


My pen is heavy,

A ponderous anchor

It embeds my words

Onto weak-willed paper sheets

That fall apart in my hands


I have grown weary

Unable to pledge blind words

To prosperity

I submit one more poem

To the execution room


(I didn’t have an internet connection for most of the day yesterday save for the early morning so now I am really far behind on readings! These tankas are from yesterday I had writer’s block and so everything I wrote just seemed sloppy and inadequate. Sometimes when I have trouble writing I end up creating something I am proud of because the poem is a little tighter and more focused but yesterday was just bleh. So I wrote poems about that mood lol)

Day 17 Summer Fasion

My fashion centers around comfort honestly. I don’t keep up with the trends though I have noticed a disturbing fad in the form of resurrecting the early 90s. The early 90s was not a good time in fashion history the shiny, ornately patterned, stonewashed to obliteration, MC hammer pants revolution is not one I intend to follow. One of the biggest crimes aside from the harem pants for the ladies (which are not flattering) is the super tight brightly colored pants for men that sag in the ass. Yes somehow they are tight and baggy! I would prefer a resurgence of grunge even if you look homeless you’re at least comfortable and you can save on laundry 😛 Plus I love grunge music so bring on the band t-shirts! Sorry no fun pictures this time if I knew how to make a little collage I would’ve.



Sandals (Ecco)




Tank tops



Hippie skirts (I usually wear long skirts because I have huge muscular calves that are completely unfeminine, not to mention short legs)

I have a few light weight summery dresses I wear but I don’t like to show a lot of cleavage


Capris (I know big calves short legs what am I thinking but they are comfortable)

Workout pants and shorts

I have 2 pairs of denim shorts (black and blue)




My Fender hoodie  (it gets cold here so)

Swimsuits (I have one bikini that’s black and red with spots like a ladybug kind of)