In this place of reckoning

I have quietly been

Dreaming and repeating

The same misfortunes.

In love, it would seem

I am irrational

If only I could

Avoid the depressions I have made

The path worn bare

By my reckless trespasses

Caught in these repetitions

I am humbled by love

Worn down violently

Till I am scarred and numb

=

Knowing does not diminish

My desire

Does not bring me any closer to wisdom

I am the same impetuous girl

I have always been

Dissolving these sacred bridges

With too much ammunition

Love it seems

Does not measure against poetry

My lofty visions

Unmet by your synthetic mind

Cold-pressed in judgment

And inane rhetorical questions

I have been pulled apart

By horses running untamed

In every direction

=

You disappoint

In silence

For your heart’s eternal sighing

Is a breath apathy-laden

The shades of your nonchalance

Measured in quick half-smiles

Unaware, you are the worst sin

Ignorance

Always you hold me at arm’s length

This masquerade we dance

Has no rhythm, only painted concealment

You leave me

Drowning in emptiness

Bottomless, these pools of despair

If only an end

For I could sink no further

=

I never thought

I’d be happy to see you go

That your presence

Would become more unbearable

Than the spaces between

Met by you

I am always a little more deflated

You are an unbearable stain

Afternoons spent in derision

How did your beautiful face

Come to represent

Shame and bereavement?

=

I will never endure

The loneliness of your love

These dark hours

Heavy with apology

I regret

Every moment touched by you

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6 thoughts on “My Regret

  1. It sucks that the person we just want to be closer never lets us close and sometimes plays with our hearts, and our minds. It makes you wonder what goes on in their minds. What are they feeling? Do they even feel anything?

  2. be confident, you can always find love, happiness, job, and friends you deserve. let go of the sad ones. it is hard but it is wholesome and helpful.

    cheer up. smiles, bless your weekend.

    1. Thank you very much =) No worries though I am doing quite well. I write according to my muse and I don’t even always write about personal experiences of pain or current experiences.

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